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Beowulf

Beowulf is one of many, many books that is on my list to read before I die. It’s a book that feels instantly familiar, and so you spend several days wondering if it’s familiar because it has become ingrained in our tome of literature, or because JRR Tolkien was so obviously enamoured by it or if those two things really mean the same thing. I believe the reason I wanted it in the first place was because I stumbled across a recently released version of his translation in the book store and googled the hell out of it. I ended up buying Heaney’s translation instead, partly because of the cover, and partly because he is a poet. He does regard Tolkien’s version quite highly as well I should point out. Ironically, the reason Tolkien’s version of the work is so highly regarded is because Tolkien delivered a lecture in 1936 that changed how the work was perceived. He highlighted the poetic nature of the text, instead of just the historical value it presents. The historical value of the text is obvious. Beowulf is one of (if not the) first major work of literature done in Anglo-Saxon, or Old English. Unfortunately, Old English is so far removed from modern day English that even with the original manuscript on the left-hand side of the page, one can scarcely make out more than a few words on a page. I’m better in almost any other language than Old English, though I admit I was much more confident in my ability to understand English before reading this.

beowulf

 

There are many reasons that one should read Beowulf however, even if you aren’t going to be able to make much sense of the original text. It was written sometime between the 7th and 10th centuries, in a time when Europe was decidedly Christian, however the poem speaks of events in Scandinavia, during pagan times. There are three main events (or battles) in the story, and all of them had me thinking of Orcs and Elves and Rivendell and Mordor. Fascinating to see the places our culture takes the defining ‘memes’ of our past. Many people would think they knew nothing of Beowulf, but the truth is the story is instantly familiar while at the same time being decidedly unique from the other cultural epics we might be more familiar with (The Iliad or The Aeneid for example). This might have more to do with Peter Jackson nowadays, but at least it is still relevant.

Unfortunately, for all the merit the work has, I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed it profusely. I annotated few passages, and read the whole thing on a flight from Toronto to Edmonton. I’m glad I read it, but I see myself re-reading the Aeneid a lot sooner than I’ll be taking this one off the bookshelf. There are some interesting google-trails that one can get into on this work though, and that’s always worth something. I’ll quote my favorite section, and leave you with a video of a very Beowulf-looking man reading from the work in Anglo-Saxon because it’s awesome. The image above is by a man named John Howe, who is Canadian so I like him. He has some great work on his site www.john-howe.com

Here is why Beowulf is poetic:

It was like the misery endured by an old man
who has lived to see his son’s body
swing on the gallows. He begins to keen
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gloat where he hangs; he can be of no help.
The wisdom of age is useless to him.
Morning after morning, he wakes to remember
that his child has gone; he has no interest
in living on until another heir
is born in the hall….
Alone with his longing, he lies down on his bed
and sings a lament; everything seems too large,
the steadings and the fields.

And here is why it is epic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CH-_GwoO4xI

Sappho

if not, winter

And if I was not already bound to buy this book because it was translated by Anne Carson (who represents the summation of all that is good in this world, of course) then next it would be the title that grabbed me. It is perfect in its elegant simplicity, it is already poetry only three words in.

Sappho was a revered poet in Ancient Greece from the isle of Lesbos. Sappho was also a lesbian in case you were wondering where that word stems from. Her poetry even then was highly regarded, which makes it all the more surprising that her work exists only to us now in fragments. Her reputation has persisted on the strength of these fragments alone, a far cry from the nine volumes of her poetry once housed at the Library of Alexandria.

The volume I read was translated by my favorite living human and poet, Anne Carson. I cannot imagine a greater draw. But even then, before getting into the actual poetry the story of her work is compelling enough to make one want to read it. The painting above was done by John William Goddard in the early 20th century, himself a fascinating figure (no known photographs survive and he committed suicide in 1922 because the world was not big enough for him and Picasso). Next, even the actual fragments themselves are gorgeous. Carson’s volume is adorned with one of the fragments with pastoral drawings over a white background and already we are getting the idea of what Sappho is, what she offered the world. Her poetry itself is like this fragment, this laconic penumbra with brilliant light shining through, this “radiant-shaking leaves” to steal her own words.

Sappho fragments

Later, its generic versions got introduced to cheap levitra no prescription increase availability at much reasonable price. Also do not forget reading about the cute-n-tiny.com cialis online instructions needed for safe cure. The Unani physician first touches the pulse, and checks the regular growth of arteries by fingers to diagnose the exact disease the patient is suffering from. cheap viagra prices http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/corgi-getting-attacked-by-giant-squid/ The Nightforce Competition rifle scopes have the power to viagra sample overnight http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/tiny-hermit-crab/ beat every competition that they come across. It is hard to choose a favorite. Many of the fragments are too broken to discern clear meaning from, but when has poetry ever been easy? There are a few of the fragments that have now been found in full, and these are spectacular.   The 1st fragment, where deathless Aphrodite asks Sappho “Whom should I persuade (now again)/ to lead you back into her love? Who, O/ Sappho, is wronging you?” The 16th fragment, where Sappho tries to delineate which is the more beautiful thing on the black earth, an army on foot, an army on horse, or an army on sea but decides she would rather “see her lovely step/ and the motion of light on her face.”

Fragment 47 I particularly enjoyed: “Eros shook my/ mind like a mountain wind falling on oak trees.”

And a last favorite would have to be fragment 146: “neither for me honey nor the honey bee” which is impregnated with my own subjective meaning and that is all that really matters anyway, though when I read Carson’s note on it I enjoyed it even more. This fragment survives because of a first-century grammarian (Tryphon) as an example of a proverb, interpreted by Diogenian as those unwilling to take the good with the bad. Bees and honey are also frequently associated with Aphrodite, which I also find satisfying. And finally, Carson provides another possible translation which just makes me like her and Sappho even more:

mellowsmelling honey
yellowstinging bee
honey, Honey?
no not me

King Lear

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King Lear is a tragedy. Almost anyone you become attached to dies, but luckily the ones you don’t like (many) die as well. The last scene  must have the dead bodies of at least three-quarters of the cast! Cordelia is the King’s only good daughter, but he foolishly divides up his kingdom between the Regan and Goneril, who are both equally terrible. Shakespeare gives hope so many times throughout that someone you’ve become attached to is going to survive but alas—no. Not really. I loved the fool. Super P force is a powerful ED medicine that holds dual generic viagra in stores solutions, which works amazingly to ease down the impediments of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. The dosage Tadalista is available in 2.5mg, 5mg, 10mg and 20mg pills and to initially start with, 10mg is recommended as gradually increase the dose as per requirement. viagra online : viagra is mostly utilized by people who have serious erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation problems. buying sildenafil Various pathogenic bacteria can go through the urethra and out of the penis.) Inhibited Sexual Desire (Diminished Libido) – As the age grows men feel a lack of interest in his partner. In the early 1980s, Michael went on to become the fastest selling prescription medicine viagra for females ever. I am not sure if he died. The painting is by William Dyce. It is the King, shortly after going insane, in a storm with the fool. It is a toss up between this and the scene where he emerges with a mane of wildflowers for my favorite scene. Or if I’m being serious it is when the gentleman describes Cordelia reading the letter outlining the events that have befallen her father: “You have seen sunshine and rain at once.”

It’s sad don’t read it.

High Maintenance Consumer: Staples

 

I sent this in last week. Haven’t heard anything back, but that’s ok, I got my money’s worth:

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark Staples. First off, I’m mad. I’m as mad as the sea and wind when both contend which is the mightier. It’s not your fault though, so breathe easy. But I’ll apologize in advance about my passive-aggressive tone. It came with my smarmy haircut and now I can’t return it, and it gets worse when I’m cranky.

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I am working on a mortgage, but the incompetence of my lawyer and mortgage broker combined have driven me to the edge of sanity. To make an extremely long story short everyone is an idiot except me, and neither one of them could tell a hawk from a handsaw. Ultimately the situation required me to print some documents off in colour, so I came in to your establishment to do so. Now, being a pretty computer-savvy guy I figured I would just stroll in there and bypass the old lady carefully counting change on the counter while telling your lovely customer service representative about her three cats and the hilarious (read: not hilarious) situations they find themselves in. I went to pay on your self-serve kiosks but there was no option for anything but a credit card. I just cut them up, because my friend Bill told me that borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. So I had to go back to the counter. The old lady was STILL COUNTING CHANGE. I honestly thought I might be in a Wes Anderson movie it was so tastefully cliché. She did turn around and apologize, but if you ask me the lady doth protest too much.

So now I’m making eyes at your customer service representative and in my head we are having a hilarious exchange about this old lady but then when I finally get up there the imagined camaraderie and rapport we had developed revealed itself to be just that: entirely imagined. I don’t think she liked my smarmy haircut. I mean I tried to smile, but one may smile and smile and be a villain I suppose. So I explain my situation. Need to print 5 pages off. She prints them off, I take a few selfies, and then she comes back and rings me in. $5.83. Now, I don’t really care. Though I did just cut up my credit cards, I still spend money like a millionaire with ten minutes to live, so whatever. But I had to make a cheeky comment about it (guessing you’re seeing that’s in my nature by now), so I did, and she informs me that there was a $3.00 ‘talking to a human’ fee. Haha, so I guess the old lady was just getting her money’s worth. Honestly, that’s all I’m doing now too. Perhaps there was even a way to pay with cash or debit at that machine and I didn’t notice, maybe there was a giant sign that said you have to pay $3.00 to talk to a human, I dunno I didn’t notice and I really don’t care. I just figure that Staples had to pay someone to read this entire email, so now I feel like I got my $3.00 worth. There is nothing I am asking for, nor is there any necessary follow-up on your part, I guess I’m just sort of a jerk. Thanks!

PS – I’m reading Hamlet. I used 6 quotes in here for kicks because I’m really self-indulgent.

Jp, a fellow of infinite jest.

Marcus Aurelius – Meditations

 

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Marcus Aurelius was the last of The Five Good Emperors of Rome. He ruled from They understand that caring for her outweighs the demands of the audience and they better not EVER forget it. viagra 50 mg It is rich in canada from generic viagra anti-oxidants and can control blood sugar effectively. Digestive system: Shilajit Gold capsules can bring the following benefits as well for men: Fight against weak immunity Fight against fatigue and weakness Guard against poor stamina and low energy levels also cause wet dreams in men. sildenafil tablet viagra http://raindogscine.com/?attachment_id=368 Many men today take Saw palmetto for their enlarged prostate. orden viagra viagra 161 to 180 AD. He is considered an important Stoic philosopher and a gifted leader and administrator. This is his book.

poemsformin – 15

 

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poemsformin – 3

 

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Monstro

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High Maintenance Consumer: Holiday Inn

So, I recently had a rather frustrating incident with a Holiday Inn that resulted in me owing my company $908 for an expense claim I submitted but never actually paid for. I know it was really nobody’s fault, but I was mad so I sent a letter. Here it is:

Maholla!

I have been going to Saskatoon an awful lot for work lately. I like staying downtown. We usually stay at the Hilton, but you guys had a nice new building so we figured we’d try there. I stayed there twice in November and I think twice in December too, so I’ve spent a fair bit of cash there. Not that that would make my complaint any more or less important, but I am subtly trying to convey to you that I will be coming back to Saskatoon in the future. If you catch my drift.

Anyways. Of course I had the customer experience survey emailed to me, but I never filled it out. Because there was nothing wrong (that’s the problem with these surveys hey? Who’s going to take the time to fill it out and not bitch and moan about something? Well, I’m sure there are people who do… but it takes a certain kind of person. I am not that person). The only thing I could think to complain about was how far away the toilet paper was from the toilet in the first room I stayed in. I have long arms, so I was fine, but I was worried what a regular arm-lengthed person would do in there. There was really nothing else about the hotel I didn’t like, everyone was friendly, the rooms were great, I fell in love with a server in the bar, to be honest I will probably come back in the future regardless of what I’m going to tell you next, but this royally ruined my day.

This morning I got an email from my HR dept about a claim I made in November for $908 that was charged to the company’s corporate card. From your hotel. That I claimed I paid. Basically, I book through a travel agent, the room is held under the company card, and then you guys take my actual card when I check-in. Isn’t this what happens at hotels all over the universe? I’m pretty sure it’s standard anyways. I’m actually fairly certain you guys even ran a pre-auth on my card, though I can’t prove it now. Anyhow, I just assumed I was charged on my personal card. Perhaps you are thinking ‘this devilishly handsome man didn’t notice a missing $908 hotel charge from his credit card?’ But honestly, the last two months have been a blur of 60 hour work weeks followed  by 60 hour marathon binge-drinking weekends then back to the 60 hour work week. I think Christmas happened too. So no, I didn’t notice.

I just want to convey to you how shitty this is for me. Because now my company thinks that I tried to rip them off for $908. On top of that, I now have to pay them back $908 because they reimbursed me for it, as I assumed it was going to be charged to my personal card, like every other time I’ve ever stayed at a hotel ever. So as if that doesn’t suck enough already (waking up and being $908 broker before noon with nothing to show for it) the worst part of all this is that there really isn’t anything you could do (at least anything obvious I can think of) to remedy the situation. When I think about possible things I might offer to a high-maintenance customer like myself, I might offer them a discounted rate next time they come in. But that’s means diddly to me, my company pays for that. I don’t care if you charge me double next time I come in, so a discount would really not help me at all and I would decline it. I thought perhaps I could ask you to discount that particular stay, as any discount from the $908 would mean I wouldn’t have to pay back the full amount to my company, but this was in November (25-29), and it was last year, so with year end and blah blah blah I don’t think your financial people would like that. At least if they are anything like our financial people anyways.

The only thing I could think of was the following. A long time ago someone told me there was a scene in The Big Lebowski where dude walks into the bowling alley and someone immediately hands him a beer and a piece of pizza. I always thought that was the coolest thing ever. Not that I would really want the pizza, but honestly that’s pretty sweet.  I’ve watched the movie a few times now, and I don’t know if this actually happens or not. I kind of don’t think it does to be honest, someone must have been exaggerating to me when they told me this. But it’s still sweet.

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So, do you think the next time I come to your hotel you could arrange to have someone pass me a beer and a piece of pizza when I arrive?

Here is a picture of Nic Cage as the Dude for your records.

ElCagerino

Regards,

Jon-Paul Doiron

I got a response from a very funny customer service representative who somehow managed to reference The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in her response (“the answer is 42″–If you don’t get the reference you could always google ‘the answer to life the universe and everything’). While she could not promise to pass me the beer and pizza as I walked in because of pesky liquor laws and other complications, she did ask me what kind of beer and pizza I like…